323

I am almost there when I feel a strong hand gripping on my arm. They’re here. A flash of a memory déjà vu’s through my mind and I see the same tired scenario a hundred times at least. I’m almost there. But I don’t make it. Because they stop me.

I struggle, but more hands join the first in pulling me back, and then the stabbing of the needle blackens everything. When I wake the room is spinning, something you never really get used to, no matter how often it happens, and I see My Nurse leaning over me. I call her mine because she is the only one whose voice sounds sincere when she talks to me. She’s the one who comes and reads to me. She’s the one who took me Outside.

 The room is light now from the sun shining in through the window, and I want to go over and press my hand against the glass. I know it will be hot.

  “Good morning Max.”My Nurse says cheerfully. She smiles so hard that it makes me wish I could smile too. I don’t’ remember if I know how to smile. For a moment I forget everything and stop to try it, but before I can My Nurse pats my hand and her touch startles me. So I forget the smile too. “Here we go, drink this up. I know you don’t want to, but I promise I’ll take you downstairs if you do.”

 Down Stairs? Outside is Down Stairs.

I drink the orange liquid. It tastes like something I can’t remember, but I know there’s pills in it. I remember the pills.

“Having dreams again, were we, last night?” She mixes something in another cup while she talks, and her voice soothes me. I sometimes wonder if her voice is just better trained than the others, but then I look in her eyes, and I know it’s not. She really does want me to feel better. “Oh Max,” She sighs. “I wish I knew why you had such awful nightmares. I wish you could tell me about it. It might make you feel better.”

She knows about the dreams.

The dreams don’t come every night. Or do they? I can’t remember. It is strange, because only when the dreams come can I remember anything. Every day here is a day all on its own without the dreams. Each day feels like the only day to ever exist. But when the dreams come I remember that other days have come and gone. Only one of the memories is from before room 323. I remember coming here. I remember when I first came, how all the Nurses smiled at me and…liked me, it seemed. And I remember the first escapes. That’s when they stopped liking me. Now they just groan. All but My Nurse. She still smiles. I wish I could tell her thank you. But I can’t, and I can’t remember why.

Then there are the dreams. They’re always the same. I see Her face. I don’t know who She is. But she’s crying. Her tears are soft and her face is beautiful. And I hear her whisper a name. It’s not “Max,” but somehow I know it’s my name. And I want to find Her. I’m close. But just as I’ve almost found Her, I wake up.