Ell

You'll stay and keep trying until you finish, and finish it the right way. It will give you time to think about your actions.

It will give you time to think about your actions.... it will give you time to think... time to think....time to think....

The words echo in my head again and again, swirling dizzily until I feel sick with the speed of them, sick with anger. I swing the axe again, trying with every gust of energy to make the stupid blunt blade splice through the log. It makes a cut into the bark, revealing the white underbelly of the dead tree. Once it must have been green. Green and fresh, smelling sweet and new and beautiful. But now it is dead and dry and even brown in spots where mold and insects have crept in. I stop for a moment to study it.
 The cut I made couldn't be more than an inch deep. Glancing at the pile I still have to chop, I wonder how on earth my aching arms will manage it. My hands are already swollen and bruised from the work, and I notice with the shock of surprise that the left one is bleeding. As I look at the blood awareness strikes and the pain hits me. Anger is a pain killer. If I hadn't noticed the bleeding I'm sure I wouldn't have felt a thing. I'm too busy nursing a grudge. Tears spring into my eyes, but I force them down. I won't give him the satisfaction. My face is probably red and raw enough just from the bite of cold December air, and I won't add tears into the equation to make it worse.

 "Ell?" Desha's sweet, innocent voice whimpers softly behind me. I turn wearily, glad there are no tears on my face now.

 "What are you doing outside?" I ask. Her round face is puckered with worry.

 "I wanted to say I was sorry. I---- I didn't think he'd beat you."

Gritting my teeth I try to stiffen myself against the unrelenting anger that rises up against my sister. After all, it's not her fault she's the favorite child of a madman.

 "I forgive you Desh. And don't worry. He didn't beat me." I turn back to the log and give it a hard blow. To my surprise it cracks in two. Satisfied, I pull out the next one, adding under my breath, "He'll never beat me."