* * *

I should have felt better, packing up. It had been a crazy few days and I tried hard to convince myself that once we got home to school and friends and chess club and softball (mine and Marti’s respectively) everything would be ok and back to normal. But I couldn’t convince myself.

No, not even I, the queen of denial, could convince myself.

Never, she’d said.

Never.

Never.

Never ok.

How could someone never be ok? And not just someone. My best friend Marti. The most popular, kind, wonderful person I knew. How? I didn’t understand.

After she’d said it we just sat there. For once I kept my mouth shut and we just sat in the dark living room of the beach house thinking our thoughts with Marti still holding my hands. We were in the same room only a few inches apart and yet so many worlds away from one another.

I didn’t understand. She was right about that.

I probably never would understand Marti; I’d resigned myself to that years ago. But I wished that she would trust me enough to tell me what she was planning.

I thought about these things as I packed, folding all my clean clothes up into neat stacks.

 I organized my suitcase efficiently, arranging all my t-shirts according to color just like I did at home.  Across the room, Marti was desperately trying to shove a huge pile of unfolded clothes, shoes and tangled necklaces into her big purple bag. I sighed and laughed.

“Having trouble?”

  “Oh shut up you,” she laughed back, tossing a slipper at my head. I ducked before it hit me, but barely. There for a minute it felt like old times, and I had hope again.

Maybe everything will be ok.

  “Well are you girls all ready?” Uncle Gerry said from the doorway. He eyes were begging his baby girl to stay forever. Marti looked up at him and smiled.

  “I guess so. I wish I could stay longer!”  She jumped up and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

  “You’ll be back before you know it.” I said, standing up to go. I gave the room a last look, making sure I had everything. It looked bare and empty like a body without a soul.

 We threw everything in the back of Marti’s Honda exchanging goodbyes and receiving the inevitable driving lecture that all parents bestow on their children. Marti assured him she'd be safe, and although I knew better, I nodded and we climbed aboard. Uncle Gerry waved until we were out of sight, his lonely figure shrinking softly away.

The afternoon sun glistened on the water as we sped along the seaside on the lonely stretch of highway. I remembered the rush of the water gliding over me, and wished I could feel it again, in spite of my fears.

Marti was smiling as she drove, her hair whipping about in the wind, her aviators reflecting the road ahead.

  “Well. Home we go.” She said.