Today

I'd like to share with you one of the things I just love. I love it when people share their opinions with me when I didn't ask for them! It is just so necessary to my existence. Like, I literally think I would die if I didn't know how everyone felt about my life and my personality and my car and my eating habits. How on earth would I survive without all my friends telling me what I'm doing wrong? It sure is nice of them. Now I know just how to fix myself! Isn't it wonderful?

Okay, rant over. 

On another note, I got a whoppin' big medal today. And a customer called me "dear" and was very sweet. I love nice customers. Somehow being called "dear" can make a world that seems dim and dreary feel lovely and sweet again. Like thinking that you're having dry cheerios for breakfast and waking up to discover that your dad has made waffles. 'Tis a splendid thing. So thank you to those two very nice women who brightened my day today! 

5/29/14

"Don't cry," She told me. "Crying won't fix anything. It's all in your head. You just have to toughen up a bit."

"That's the worst advice I've ever heard," I replied bitterly.

"Don't be so sensitive."

"I can't help it," I choked.

"Learn to help it. Life's not fair kiddo. And you don't even know how good you've got it."

I resisted the temptation to smash a nearby book across her foot. In imagination I relished the satisfaction such an action would bring, but in reality I only grimaced and rose to my feet, ready to spit fire. I swallowed it back, and settled.

5/25/14

Send me peace on the wings of a dove

Its gentleness may lend me courage where I have none

Its loveliness may give me hope 

The lightest burden lifts off at last 

And all heaviness falls away

Where moments ago my bitter heart cried out, 

Now it sings to You in praise 

I'm thankful

But tomorrow is coming

And my fears will crash around me

Send me peace in the midst of trouble

Courage and kindness in the valleys of failure 

Let my fears suffocate and die 

Give me the strength I need to call out to You and forgive 

Give me the how 

Give me the grace

Give me peace

And I'll thank You for a thousand years

Help me love again

I wish to be filled up with love and grace

As I once was 

I linger on now in doubt and darkness 

But you send me help

Make it last through the dawn

Please 

Let me love when I am angry, hope when I am lonely, and wait when I am empty

Fill me up 

And help me be as I once was

Without wrath and bitter tears 

But the peace of purity 

Lasting always 

Loving 

Hoping 

Believing 

You have everything I don't 

So send me peace on the wings of a soft, gentle dove 

And give me courage 

Give me love

5.22.14.

It wasn't until she started speaking, that I realized just how bad it was going to be.

In the millisecond between recognizing that Mia was about to unleash some major anger, and feeling the unexpected lump be born in my throat, I flashed back to the way things had been only a few moments before.

We'd just been sitting there inside the Papa Peete's, wolfing down cheese and pepperoni. I had been trying not to acknowledge the growing glare on her face. Preston and Avery both prattled bravely on, eyeing one another nervously every few seconds. Mia had been sitting in stone silence. The worst of it was, although I'd known since we sat down that she was mad, even at this moment I had not even the faintest clue what she was mad about.

"See you later, Jason." Avery had said kindly, her blonde locks curling silkily around her face the way they always did when the humidity got really bad. She had smiled, but her eyes added, "If you make it out of this alive," to the goodbye.

Preston didn't even say goodbye; he was too frozen stiff by Mia's stare. When they left I knew what was coming, but I didn't want to accept it.

"Why do you always take everything so seriously?" Mia demanded, five minutes into a whip-lashed argument. I was dazed.

"Me?"

"You always jump to conclusions and act like everything's such a big deal!" She said, her voice slathering with hypocrisy. I smiled. I couldn't help it.

"What?!" She hissed. "Why are you laughing!"

"Because you're acting like a child!" The instant the words rippled out, I could feel my stomach leap up and try to pull them back in.

Mia burst into tears. "I can't do this with you right now!" She shrieked shrilly, heading for her car. For the first time since we'd met, I didn't chase after her.