A surprising story that came out of nowhere

I'm very discouraged tonight. I haven't got much to say. Sometimes I think writing about me and life and trouble and toil is easier than writing a story. It never used to be that way. Maybe it's because now I'm too grown up---I've lost sight of that inner child, that hammy drama queen with brown pig-tails that used to speak her mind. I make believe a lot still, but nothing anyone would want to read. Maybe nobody will ever read my writing, but I guess that's nothing to stop me from keeping on. After all, it helps me more than it helps anybody else. Even this has helped me a lot. Maybe I'll tackle another attempt at a story excerpt.



"I can't wait." Macy said, sighing heavily as she stared up at the sky. A shimmery window of blue was fighting its way through the clouds like a shiny penny lying on dull pavement. The school yard was practically empty now. The other students were mostly filing into their classes, walking through the hallways and laughing or glaring. 

Elizabeth nodded. 

"I just can't wait to get somewhere new, somewhere I can have a fresh start. I want to discover who I am, you know what I mean?" Macy asked, drawing her eyes away from the sky and back to her friend's face. Elizabeth shook her head. 

"No. I know who I am." She said simply. 

"Really?" Macy couldn't help being slightly skeptical. No eighteen-year-old knew exactly who they were. "What makes you think so?" 

Elizabeth shrugged. "I think I've always known it." She said. 

"How?" Macy was jealous and grateful at the same time. Life would feel too complete somehow, if she knew just who she was and who she wanted to be. But then again, she craved stability and assurance. She wondered what it would feel like to be like Elizabeth. She wasn't sure she would like it. 

Elizabeth was staring at the sky now too, but her eyes roved the tree tops where a solitary red kite was bobbing cheerfully. 

"I don't know," She said. "But I think it's like that." She pointed to the kite. "I'm a kite. My job is to make people look. Eventually, if I'm flying well enough, looking at me won't be enough, and people will have to look down at the One holding the end of the rope." She smiled. 

Macy didn't know what to say. She stared over at the kite, and maybe because of the analogy, suddenly felt herself longing to know who held onto the other end. 

"I don't always understand it myself," Elizabeth was adding. "But I am who I am, and I wouldn't want to be anything else, not really, if it meant flying all alone, without Someone holding me safely close to the ground." She pulled her gaze from the fleck of red that still danced against a prairie of white. The clock on the school wall read ten after noon. "We had better go in." Elizabeth brushed the sandwich crumbs off of her lap and stood. Macy followed, but her eyes hated to go back indoors. 

♡

it's been a week of years 
since i last saw you ♡
and even though i still cry sometimes 
it's good to know i'm not alone 

the music still makes me want to sing out
and remember you
your words still silently remind me 
speak kindly 
and i'll always see your smile 
even when my world is dark ♡

so just let me keep singing 
just let me keep walking on 
just help me keep praying 
when i'm feeling all alone 
and i know up there somewhere 
you're making all the angels laugh 
so every time i look into the sky 
i'll remember you 
even when i cry 

your grin still haunts me in a crowd 
every now and then
and i can't keep myself from wishing 
for things that might have been
i wish he had your heart, i wish he had your soul
i wish that you weren't gone 
even though i know someday 
i'll see that grin again 

so just let me keep wishing
just let me keep moving on 
and help me keep hoping 
because i feel so desperately alone 
now that you're gone
even though i know up there somewhere 
you're making the angels laugh 
every time i look into the sky 
i remember you 
and cry 

♡♡  ♡   ♡      ♡     ♡ ♡♡   ♡  ♡  ♡     ♡

sometimes i have to cry 
because i remember how you were
and you made me free 
free to sing
like no one else could ever do 
i miss you

♡  ♡       ♡              ♡

but if you're up there with the angels 
watching me right now 

know that i'm still singing 
know i'm still walking on 
know the hope in my heart is you and your smile
because when i'm feeling all alone 
i know you're up there somewhere 

and every time you see me cry  
don't you worry darling
even though i cry sometimes
it's because of you that i
remember how to smile ♡

Hummingbird Wings

I love to watch the way he smiles. I drink it in, wondering if those eyes ever fell on me, if I could bear their weight without a blush. Words of kindness, laughter. I catch my breath as the stars gleam in the sky. I watch as I walk, waiting to catch that glance. Hoping not to let him see, and yet, praying that he will. Maybe in time, the trees whisper as I pass. He smiles and I feel my heart drumming with hummingbird wings. 

Thinking About the Future

I like to think that maybe someday things will be different. 

I like to imagine the world as it could be, instead of how it is. Changing, moving, becoming something that is made new through the gift or freedom, true freedom. I like to think that there's still hope, even when doomsday seems to creep nearer and nearer with every unkind word. 

"You have too much hope." 

"That's not how the world works." 

"F*** off." 

All these things they've said, would have me begin to doubt that there is any reason to keep on imagining. Maybe there is no potential for a better future. The fact of the matter is, they don't care. They're happy in their misery, and content with apathy. Its lazy and it's wrong. It's becoming who I am. Omission is the easiest of all sins, at least in my mind. It sneaks up on you and takes hold without even making a sound. 

Giving in is easy. Standing out is lonely. A man must be good, before he can be great. 

Memories

Well I'm back. Revisiting the old blog and remembering old times. I miss you, past self. I miss your motivation, your energy and your consistent hope. Come back to me someday <3 

Quote

  "Life had changed as I knew it. And now it's changed again, luv. See, I don't worry about you remembering me.....it's that girl on the road you keep forgetting.
"My business is to create. It doesn't even matter what you do. "
You told me that, remember. P.S....
So go home. Go find it. Find that thing that makes you like nobody else."


  I love this quote because it reminds me that the what and the when and the how isn't always as important as the actual do. I love this quote because it is said in an Irish accent. I love this quote because it is full of hope for the future. I love this quote because it means that even when life throws those unexpected twists into your path, as long as you remember who you are and what you're meant for, everything will somehow be okay. 

   I love this quote because it is everything I want to be.

A New Beginning

Okay so it is a new year. And sadly but excitedly I've begun a new blog. This one will still be filled with words every now and then, but probably not as often. If you're still interested in reading, the new one is here: 

http://astoryiswaiting.blogspot.com/

And I'd love it if you would stop by :)