wisdom teeth uuuuh oh

K too loopy to post anything in my stroy ='( so many tears! butuuut tomorrow I'll write more maybe. Wisdom teeth are very annoying. I wish I could do stuff like I normally do but I'm just going to probably do ntoghing becase I will be so tired. I shall try to write thoguh i'm rpomise! but foer now i must go to sleep i'm soooo tired and loopy from this werid stkuff.

8.25.2013.

“Hi, Emmy, I’m Dr. Regan.” A tall, smiling and somewhat robust man in his early sixties entered the small room carrying a clipboard. He extended his hand and Emmy took it hesitantly, worried that he would feel the remnants of her shakiness. “I understand you’re one of Dr. Richards’ patients?” He squinted over the clipboard with a serious expression. Emmy nodded and inhaled deeply.

“That’s right.” She replied clasping her clammy hands together.

“Well, I see from this report that he thinks you need to see me for some more thorough testing. So I’m just going to examine you, okay?” His jolly smile reminded Emmy of a mall Santa she’d met years ago as a little girl. She remembered wanting to like that Santa, but she had been too afraid of him even to speak. She felt the same way now as Dr. Regan put on his glasses. 

8.24.2013.

Buried deep in her troubled thoughts, Emmy started at the soft sound of someone settling into the chair beside her. Her head was beginning to spin and she felt uncomfortably cold. Suddenly even the light weight of the People magazine seemed too great a burden for her slender fingers. Clearing her throat, Emmy laid it down onto her lap and tried desperately to catch her breath without gasping and drawing the attention of everyone in the room. She felt eyes on her and looked up at the man in the next chair. To her surprise, he was young like her, not older than forty like everyone else in the room. He met her gaze and smiled cheerfully. Emmy suspected that he was there waiting for someone. He looked perfectly healthy. Embarrassed by her own poor health, she bent her head again so he wouldn’t see her pallor and her shaking hands. Panic gripped her in spite of her resolve to stay calm, and with it came fear and nausea. Every nerve in her body grew tense. Emmy knew from past experiences that in just a moment she would begin to sweat and grow even more dizzy and nauseated and would shake violently. With every effort she made to calm herself, she only became more and more agitated.

Clenching the arm of her chair, she tried to breathe deeply, tried to think calming thoughts, tried to think of nothing at all.

                                                                                       

“Emmy Chappelle?”

The sound of the woman’s icy voice calling her name made Emmy’s heartbeat jolt to a stop. She licked her lips and stood unsteadily.

“That’s me.”

“Right through here please.” The woman said, her face the emotionless mask of a working mother of three. It was hard and cold and devoid of compassion. Emmy followed her through the doorway, wishing she had worn shorter shoes. She was wobbling all over the hallway in her Sophia Webster pumps. The nurse showed her into a barren white examination room and asked Emmy to sit.

“Dr. Regan will be with you shortly.” She left abruptly and closed the door, without waiting for Emmy to say thank you.

Once more alone, Emmy feared that the chills and panic would worsen, but her symptoms seemed to have left as suddenly as they had come. She was no longer shaking or weak, or even nervous. But her heart raced as if she had just finished a marathon, instead of walking twelve feet down a cool, carpeted hall. 

8.24.2013.

   Fountains are curious devices. They are meant to be relaxing and soothing, but if one's nerves are already stretched tight, there is nothing in the world more maddening than the trickle-drip-drip of an office fountain. Especially an office fountain that belongs to a PhD specialist and sits in the middle of a quiet waiting room half-full of anxious and ill people. 

   On this particular day, in this particular PhD's office, Emmy Chappelle was convinced that there was nothing that would ever make her happier than smashing Dr. Regan's irritating fountain to smithereens. But of course, people do not smash fountains, no matter how irked they are, and the only thing she could do was sit there and wait while bouncing her knees impatiently. No amount of knee bouncing would bring Dr. Regan's technician to the door any faster, however, and the restless act soon failed to ease Emmy's rumpled spirits. She scowled darkly, wishing herself a thousand miles away from that office.

   I'm not that sick. They're not going to find anything. And then I'll have to pay for this silly visit and the flight out here, and my hotel, and the taxi, and the expensive meals out, all without good reason! She huffed inwardly, flipping through a People magazine where Kim Kardashian and Jenifer Lopez were having a fashion faceoff. The fountain continued to trickle-drip-drip, gratingly. At last a woman in scrubs opened the door. Emmy tossed her magazine onto the nearby table and started to stand, her heart racing.

   "Emily Warner?"  The nurse called in a dull voice.

    Emmy sank into her seat again as a white-haired woman rose from a stiff chair and shuffled toward the technician. "Right this way, Mrs. Warner." 

   Grudgingly turning back to her article, Emmy sighed, feeling worry tugging at the back of her mind in spite of herself. 

    What if I really am sick? What if I'm not losing weight because of stress or bad metabolism? She slumped lower in the scratchy, stiff, waiting room chair and allowed the worst thought of all to seep into her mind. 

  What if I do have cancer? 

'Till Death Do Us Part

   Everyone knows that in life sometimes things don’t happen the way you plan. Other times things don’t happen at all, and even more often, all the things you don't want to happen, happen. But that’s just life. And because we all know it, we all have a choice to make. Granted, most choose to complain about it every chance they get, and for years I was one of those people. I’d take every opportunity to whine about the amount of money I paid for college tuition, while drinking a seven dollar cup of coffee at the campus Starbucks. I’d gripe about the weather, my job, my family, friends, my wants and unrealized dreams, everything. I was buried deep in a world full of troubles. As my life flew by, I hardly even noticed because I was too busy focusing on everything that wasn’t right, instead of taking every moment for what it was worth.

  

  When I was twenty-six years old, all of that changed. Because life happened, in the best way and the worst way all at once. You see, along with giving you everything you don't want at all the wrong times, and in the worst ways possible, life also has a way of giving you everything you didn’t know you always needed, in the best way, at just the right moment. I guess that’s why so many people learn to take the bad with the good and smile even when no one’s looking. 

Turn Away, Smile

Every time I 
I look into your eyes 
I see that smile and I fall 
Every single little time 

Catch myself on a hook on the wall 
Don't let my heart fall no
Cause you're not mine
Never ever gonna think no
Never gonna let it sink in

And I won't cry 'cause I can still see you smile
I won't cry 'cause I can still find hope inside 
My sense of right
Someday I'll fly and
I'll never cry 
'Cause I can still see you
Smile

Turn away and I 
Never say what I 
Think about every once in all the time
And you don't see 'cause you
Can't be who you
Really are inside

And all I want is to 
Know everything that matters most to you
But I'll laugh and say goodbye
With nothing in my mind but the shadow of a lost life
It's far too far past too late 
I'd rather settle with the heartbreak 
Than see you with your heart   wide     open 
Open

And I won't cry 'cause I can still see you smile
I won't cry 'cause I can still find hope inside 
My sense of right
Someday I'll fly and
I'll never cry 
'Cause I can still see you
Smile

I'll watch you walk away
Keep all the words I'll never say
Don't look back and I won't
Don't, just don't

'Cause it's far too far past too late
And the lights are dim and you won't wait
Love won't wait so 
Fly


And don't forget to smile

Come Back, Don't be Afraid

You can't hide from me
I see what you see
I feel deep inside that pain you're trying so hard to hide
And I won't let you go without a fight

When you cry
 I cry
And when you see tears in my eyes
It's because I see them down in down inside
Of you

I won't let you go 
Can't ever let you know
How much I feel cuz I can't 
Can't feel the way I do 
Bout you

Nothing can come between
Can't ever stop me seeing
I know you too well
And I've seen every tear that you never let fall

So don't be afraid to cry
In front of me darling
I love you to the moon, to the stars and the sky 
Don't be afraid to show how you feel when 
Feeling does nothing no good no time

I'm here even when we're 
Miles away darling
And nothing's ever gonna stop me 
Being at your side

Even now, even after everything
It's like nothing really changed
And I still see your soul 
Trapped away deep inside
Just like mine
Just like everything we never were
And I'll always find you

So don't be afraid to let 
Let your anger out 
Darling
And don't be afraid to wait 
To linger in the stillness that never really comes

I'll wait 
I'll wait for you forever 
Even if you never come 
Come back